Loneliness

It's lonely struggling with an ed. Just because I recently have truly been desiring to have a life, friends, a passion (outside of exercise), hobbies....doesn't mean it's easy to just change everything.

I am discovering I have way too much down time these days, and it's not healthy for my mind, but again just because I realize this...doesn't mean I can all of sudden just create these wonderful fulfilling activities to occupy my time. I'm working on it though....in the process of applying for a full-time summer job, taking summer classes, a few other activities planned this summer that I am actually looking forward to. I'm so excited to be getting away for a short bit this summer where I won't have to worry about food or planning a days worth of activities to keep myself out of trouble. All of that will be taken care of, and I'll get to be around people my age, and just feel like a "normal" person my age. I can't wait...however I have over a month still before that happens and I seriously need to be more proactive about plans, especially for the weekends. I struggle so much on the weekends, but the sad thing is I can't think of things I could do that would make the time go by faster, things that I would enjoy. I would really like to be able to hang out with people, but then I realize "oh wait....I haven't been so good about developing and nurturing relationships", aside from the one with ed. It makes it that much harder to get out.

I really feel like this process would be so much easier with more support. I suppose I should stop whining about it and do something about it. Relationships are tough though, especially if you've got some social anxiety going on.

I'll figure it out...I'm determined to have a good week, I'm just struggling with having so much time alone, literally not knowing what to do with it.

Ideas, if anyone is reading?