Lately when I'm busy, with whatever it is that I'm busy doing...I wish I could just get some time to relax and be by myself. Then when I'm by myself....I start racking my brain for SOMETHING to do...somewhere to go where I can get out of my own head!
I'm so drained, yet I don't even seem to do that much...I think it's just that even though I'm not actually physically and tangibly being productive, my mind still constantly goes. I don't know anymore. I saw a new counselor this week...since it was the first time at this place, he just asked me a bunch of questions (an assessment). Then I guess I'll either be paired up with a therapist asap, or might be put on the waiting list...depending on how busy they are right now. I don't know...ANOTHER therapist? Therapy just hasn't done much for me in the past...but I want to give it a shot, AGAIN.
UGH! It's just frustrating....this freaking ed has become so ingrained...and then these days I wonder if ed is really the problem? I mean most people who struggle with an ed have a dual diagnosis...whether it be anxiety, depression, ocd, bpd.....sigh....I just feel so at a loss sometimes. I just want to be able to enjoy life!!
Sigh....this is all just so screwed up sometimes...I would elaborate on my screwed up thoughts, but when I attempt to express them and either hear what I'm saying or read what I write....it just seems so wrong the ed influenced thoughts I have....they are just so wrong....yet part of me continues to cling and protect ed. WTF is all I got sometimes...
